A letter to my apartment building manager.

Dear Apartment Building Manager:

While putting freshly laundered sheets on my bed today, I noticed dried white spooge on said sheet.  But wait, I said.  How can this be???  For these sheets are freshly laundered. Thinking back I realized this also happened to me the last time I changed my sheets.  Hmmm... You know what!  I've only been getting spooge marks on my freshly laundered sheets since you crazy people changed to high efficiency, low water use machines.  Since I'm not over stuffing the machines and you bastards are saving on water, I'm going to blame you for the fact that your machines no longer have the umph to get dried spooge off my sheets.  Yes, I'm angry.  Very, very angry!  Take these non-effective water misting machines to your house and bring me a machine that actually fills with water to get my shit clean!  I don't care about the dolphins, I don't care about the oceans, I just want clean sheets!  Is that too much to ask for the ungodly amount you charge me in rent?  Is it?  I don't think so!

Your crusty sheeted tenant,
XXXXXXXXXXX

Resurrection

It's been almost a year since I've wrote anything here.  That is crazy!  I have plenty to bitch about.  Here I go...